YOU WANT HAPPY KIDS?? PUT YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST!!!!
Children change our world, when we become parents our world revolves around our kids. They become our life and reason for all smiles. Parenting is a TASK, I completely second that! Our kids don’t just make us parent, they change our world with their expectations, demand, love and responsibilities.
I have always observed how a conversation between me, and my husband can give an impact on my daughter. They listen, they observe and then that makes their personality. I cannot reckon an incidence from my childhood when I had witnessed any discussion or an argument of my parents. They have always been the best couple in the world for me!! But does that mean they never had an argument?? Nope, certainly they did, the only thing they took care of was that their kids aren’t around when they are in some discussion.
Now -a-days, couples are more of friends, there is more comfort zone and room for discussion. However, many a times most of the couples forget that the kids are watching! It is not correct to get into a discussion in front of them. It is not just this, in our journey of becoming life partners and then parents we often forget, that it is equally important to nourish our own relationship beyond being good parents.
Keeping our marriage healthy is our own duty, and a priority. Not just for the kids, but for us as individuals. Here are some ideas to strengthen the bond with your partner.
- A HAPPY MARRIAGE = A HAPPY CHILD
Yes!! A happy couple does mean a happy child. Marriage brings so much of excitement, hopes, dreams, and happiness in our life. However, with time, as our marriage grows old, we are bound to be loaded with responsibilities. Not just this, the comfort zone which the couple creates in their relationship at times turns to taking each other for granted. The pressure of career, responsibilities, striking a balance if you have an extended family staying together, everything adds on and this leads to making your efforts to keep your marriage alive take a back seat.
Unfortunately, we do not realize that in the process of a suffering marriage, the child also suffers. Unhappy married couples have disastrous effects on their children. Conflicts in marriage leads to undesirable arguments, unwanted situations, which your child witnesses. Research suggests that children from their infant age till adulthood have adverse effect on their mind due to parent’s disharmony. This often leads to children having failed relationships from their teenage time itself.
Therefore, if you really want your child to be happy focus on your marriage first, re-ignite the spark in your marriage.
Its not easy, if you have been through so many ups and downs, to come back stronger in your marriage, but you have to do it for each other.
2. GIVE EACH OTHER “US” TIME
Lot of time, you can expect one partner to say that you both have grown old and now “US” time is not the priority, there are lot of important things to do, and lot to achieve in life. Its murky and understand that a healthy relationship is the essence of sailing together stronger. Remember the time you had spent together before you had your children! Any couple needs to give each other enough time and lead the responsibilities together. All relationships need bonding, which you can do only when you spend some time alone. And am sure your kids would love to see their parents bonding together.
3. MAKE EACH OTHER PRIORITY
Its important for couples to make each other their priority. It’s the most common thing that with time and responsibilities, couples ignore the fact that their relationship is their priority. Its usually overshadowed by other responsibilities. But you must remember, a plant gives beautiful flowers only when the roots are strong to let the plant grow. Give each other importance, that’s how your children would learn to give priority to their relationship when they grow up.
4. GET THAT SPARK BACK – BE FLIRTATIOUS
Yes, you should flirt with your partner. Many a times, couples avoid it since kids are always around. You don’t really have to take chances to do it, but a sweet message, a cute gesture, a quick kiss, a small gift sometimes, all these things are enough to let your partner feel still needed. You don’t believe in this, Go and try now!!
5. PLAN TRIPS WITH YOUR PARTNER AND KIDS
Mostly it’s the case that couples don’t get enough time to go on trips. In India as we are mostly in a big family, family trips are often an idea. For sure, family trips are important to bond with all family members, but don’t ignore that fact that short trips with only you and your spouse and kids are equally important. Mostly, if you are staying in a big family, it is difficult to give enough time to each other as you try and balance your time, such trips are a gateway to unwind and get back the spark you need. Going on trips with just you two and your children is much needed and a great way to bond.
6. PLAN TRIPS WITHOUT YOUR SPOUSE AND KIDS
Yes!! Don’t be shocked, it is important to do some short trips without them. Many a times, a little distance is very important for a relationship to grow. You must learn to give space to each other. There are lot of times, when we are so much present for each other that we forget to give importance, this is because we don’t really feel how it would be without our partner. This is not a punishment, this is a realization for you too, certainly when you go for solo trips, you yourself too realize how important your partner is for you. It’s a mutual space to each other, and certainly would bring you two closer.
7. DON’T IGNORE PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Certainly, a good sex life keeps you healthy and happy. Many couples, specially after becoming parents ignore this aspect in life. However, having a good sex life has physical and mental benefits. It releases endorphins – the chemical that makes you feel good and happy and reduces your stress and keeps your mood good.
8. NEVER LET YOUR ARGUMENTS ON EACH OTHER’S PARENTING SPOIL YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP
Every person is different. Similarly, everyone has a different way of parenting. It can be stressful and certainly can take a toll. It is very important not to allow the arguments you get into on each other’s parenting style spoil your relationship. Marriage is a very supple relationship – you need to always nurture it.
9. WORK AS A TEAM FOR YOUR CHILDREN
It is very important for couples to work as a team in parenting your kids. No matter how much you disagree on one thing or the other, but when it comes to present yourself in front of your kids, you should be a TEAM. Learn to discuss and not argue and come to a solution. This way you are teaching your children too to be supportive, caring and have a listening ear.
10. DON’T KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE LAST ON THE LIST
There are times, when you need to support your partner, there can be situations which might put you in dilemma and under pressure you might just give it back to your partner. Understand that your partner is someone who has chosen you to be the life partner, they deserve the best side of you. In a fit of rage, throwing bombs of words can ruin your relationship. Apparently, this also sets an example of how a partner is in your children’s minds. Research shows there are many cases where children develop a negative image of partners which leads to their own failed relationships at later stage in life or they themselves fail to become a good partner later.
CONSTITUTING THE WHOLE THING
I understand that children are our world, we do everything for them. However, you cannot make it an excuse for not focusing on your marriage. Putting your marriage on autopilot mode can only last for some time, it can’t make it sustainable. You might just find those small vacations, dinner time together, or some chit chat before bedtime all waste of time, but that lets your child see the beauty of your relationship, it helps them see your bond, your love, learn and be like that when they get into a relationship. Marriage is just not a relationship, its your priority, someone who will rest with you till all your life, it needs priority even more, after you become parents.